Reframe - Recommit
Have you ever experienced the “Mona List effect”? You know, that feeling where you're moving about a room and sense that an inanimate object's eyes are trained on you? For me, this book has been staring me in the face:
It may seem innocent enough, but it has been sitting to the left of my desk chair, binding out, quietly judging me for months. I bought it in a moment of nostalgia and inspiration when my now nine year old child was small- the first entry was in 2016 when he substituted the word “yay” for “yes” for all things desirable - “Finn, do you want more applesauce?” “Yay.” “Finn, would you like to go outside?” “Yay.” There's good stuff in here.
And yet, I'm low-key afraid of its contents, because I set an expectation for myself that I didn't meet, and now it feels like I should just throw in the towel. It has only 24 entries… there are almost two years between a few of them… it feels like a failure. But there are gems in there:
Me: What do you think happens in Kindergarten?
Finn: Maybe babies are born… or teeth fall out…
… he wasn't that off base.
The risk here is that I mistook inspiration for expectation, and then I turned that mistake loose on my psyche. See, I told myself that logging every sweet, silly, memorable moment was the goal; as if missing one would mean that I failed at cataloging his childhood. Really, the goal of this little red book was to bring to life a few moments that would spark many I didn't write down - this book is a catalyst, and I've been staving off its impact with my doubt.
REFRAME - RECOMMIT
When we set a goal, we imagine the outcome. There often is a story we tell ourselves about the path, the endpoint, and the impact. Sometimes this is just what we need, and other times we focus so hard on the original intent we miss the mark. What if, when we stumble with committing to our goal in practice at 100%, we ask ourselves why it mattered, reframe it, and recommit, rather than putting the book (ahem… goal) on the shelf and turning a blind eye. Spoiler alert: That goal, just like the painting, will creep right along with you if you don't confront it. Let's try this on:
With the original goal, we can find ourselves waiting to do the just-right thing, missing the impact of the right-enough one. The beauty of the next step of recommitment is that it could look many ways, once you're actually clear on the right outcome.
Perhaps you're seeing this happen in your teams with your approach to OKRs that are too prescriptive, or maybe it's showing up in your personal life. If this resonates with you in some way, try asking yourself or your team:
Let's not mistake our big, bright idea for the lesson within. Because the way we work matters.
